Consulate |


by Bill Kennedy and Darren Wershler

edited by Guest Editor is a website driven by two interwoven databases and two RSS feeds. The primary page of the site, which mimics the appearance of a Facebook status update in terms of color, font, and expression of temporality, is generated live every time someone visits the site, or hit the refresh key on their browser. The contents of the home page consists of the merged results of Bill’s and Darren’s Facebook RSS feeds…after a helpful robot has swapped out all proper names for the names of dead poets pulled from the Wikipedia “names of poets” page. Update is a collection of work generated on the site and is available from Snare Books at CHARLES OLSON Charles Olson is back … blerg … apparently he needs this stupid Facebook thing to get a hold of people…and stuff…I still won’t be on here very often … so please email or call me if you need to get a hold of me. DOROTHY PARKER Dorothy Parker has taken the Enemy Intelligence. Dorothy Parker jigs, back-trolls, nets, catches, rinses and repeat. Dorothy Parker nearly lost consciousness laughing during Tropic Thunder. Dorothy Parker is writing 8 million emails while listening to The Animals. Dorothy Parker just finished what in technical parlance is known as a “shitty first draft” of Novel No. 2. Brewpub here she comes! Dorothy Parker wants to take herself on a trip–around the world and back–and she won’t have to move, she just sits still (Depeche). Dorothy Parker says Yankee go Yankee go home. MILTON ACORN Milton Acorn is exploring his inner hippie this weekend. Milton Acorn has not eaten meat or poultry since May and feels pretty good. Milton Acorn hates when a recipe turns out bland. Although now a lot of his recipe binder has handwritten notes in it which he thinks kinda makes it cooler. Milton Acorn has a dream. Someday, we won’t need “Organic’ stickers on food. Milton Acorn: Your fantasy structure is showing and so is mine. Milton Acorn: “The work happens where you lose the thread, where it repeatedly dangles off into chaos’ (Lisa Robertson). Milton Acorn: What is the opposite of “art”? Milton Acorn: midnight training session. Pitter-patter. Milton Acorn is gonna join the YMCA; please keep all obvious jokes to a minimum. You are all smart, witty people; I expect better. Milton Acorn: Kind of depressing here in Toronto today. Milton Acorn: Because the day of the Portugal/Brazil game should always at least start with jackhammers too. Do ya think there will be a rumble? All you haters …the cup will be ours! Milton Acorn is uplifted. Milton Acorn wonders if we can prepay book orders at This Ain’t the Rosedale Library despite the sign on the door. My sense is this store is interested in selling books, not only receiving donations. Milton Acorn: Is it wrong that I like to strike fear in the hearts of my students? Maybe. Is it fun? Definitely. Milton Acorn made a wedding ring today; with his own two hands. Milton Acorn has abandoned the apparatus. Milton Acorn spends far too much time alone. ANTONIN ARTAUD Antonin Artaud thinks that dreary Sundays require magical stories. Antonin Artaud Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is already the greatest film I have ever seen and I’m only 10 minutes into the film! Antonin Artaud sigh … I could never go back to the KSW because I’d be in trouble all the time. Antonin Artaud just can’t figure out how to get job interviews (among other things). Antonin Artaud needs tips, such as key attributes of a good resume/cover letter. Antonin Artaud is going to the bar to get drunk and meet new people. Antonin Artaud is gonna be up all night doing you-know-what. Antonin Artaud is looking mostly outside his “field.” Antonin Artaud: New job tomorrow, so I will be able to afford such luxuries as eating food and getting a haircut. LOL. Antonin Artaud On my mind: the very last frame of Lucas, hands in the air, triumphant. Antonin Artaud saw a woman get stabbed on Bloor tonight. ALLEN GINSBERG Allen Ginsberg got paid. Allen Ginsberg spent time in the suburbs today, with my friend’s kids, he knew all his neighbours, we had a walk, said bedtime prayers, and read three stories and went over to his new place and saw the dog. It made me rethink families. Allen Ginsberg: overwhelmed with love for his dog. Allen Ginsberg is a cat negotiating the dog days of summer. Allen Ginsberg Cowboy boy band. Allen Ginsberg I’m so demoralized that 51 of my friends like Family Guy. Allen Ginsberg is looking for guidance. Allen Ginsberg is playing Scrabble on his iPhone, and loves the little googly eyes that tell his when his opponent is looking at the board. Allen Ginsberg ordered medium but got spicy. Allen Ginsberg has a problem! Allen Ginsberg isn’t allowed to use the word “motherfucker” as a security word. Allen Ginsberg wants someone to take a picture of Richard Munslow’s grave. He is said to be the last sin-eater. Anyone know any sin-eaters or sin-eating stories? Or sin-eating traditions? Allen Ginsberg I know it’s a marketing gimmick, but Padma Lakshmi writing pornographically about bacon and Christina Hendricks talking about scotch is just too far. Allen Ginsberg haunted by olives in meringue. Allen Ginsberg finds it oddly delicious. Allen Ginsberg detox! Allen Ginsberg is enduring the hell on earth that is SXSW. Allen Ginsberg there is no zombie fun quite like Nazi zombie fun. Allen Ginsberg is mildly astonished that not one of his hundreds of FB friends has had a birthday this week. Allen Ginsberg wonders when his hair will stop falling out. Allen Ginsberg on a mini-moon, radio silence. BERTOLT BRECHT Bertolt Brecht cut ten pages and it fixed the whole chapter. Bertolt Brecht is sampling Luddites. Bertolt Brecht wonders if the people who will vote NDP this election actually think that Jack will win … and if not, why vote NDP? Bertolt Brecht is now a Nielsen family. Bertolt Brecht is wondering if his kitty would like a sister. Bertolt Brecht finished tiling at 2:30 am and has become a grout grouch. Bertolt Brecht, in Wesley Willis’s voice: “Trader Joe’s chiliwhips the Costco Martha Stewart’s ass.” Bertolt Brecht is drinking hot coffee from a can. (Tossing it from hand to hand is implied.) Bertolt Brecht I don’t think I could return to a work world without Office Communicator. OK maybe I could, but it would be less awesome. Bertolt Brecht feels a great amount of accomplishment in futility. Bertolt Brecht is thinking of you. You know why. Bertolt Brecht is bubble girl. Bertolt Brecht choo-choo-chooses you. EZRA POUND Ezra Pound is introspective and grumpy today. Ezra Pound is still being spied on by the landlords. Ezra Pound does have a new camera phone now, which takes better pictures, although never is used. Ezra Pound isn’t cheating. Ezra Pound has been too busy to Facebook.